Trash To Keep You Alive in 2025

Wednesday, 1:26am, May 28th, 2025

i give this,
but to whom am i reminding?

despite the absence of my existence during the moment,
i can see outside of the equation:
(parentheses) with me held between.
hidden-apart even from myself but,
present for the remembrance.
to be remembered.
i’m a curator.
no false intentions,
just silent purpose.
an object speaking without words like,
a shadow.
its the formula within connection that explains missing the moment.
i didn’t want to impress.
i don’t want to impose.
i’m simply looking…
for the other side of the rabbit hole.
turning every feeling into care and compassion for self.
formula,
within connection.
breaking eventually and turning it into now.
predictability, trust, forgiveness, regretful, outrageous, uncomfortable, pretending, adjusting, assumption, accountability, president, aspect, flaws, truth, clues, real, loving, alone, independence, pacing, sickness, avoidance, working, worthy, holding, thinking, struck and striking.
ah, to ache for eventually.
what a moment that makes laying,
vinyasa style,
in the wet grass with soft tears leaking out of my eyes,
beautiful.
i’m whispering crosslegged saying,
ah ha!

Tuesday, 10:10pm, May 13th, 2025

how to choke through the swallow!

blocking out the noise,
water in my ears.
muffled into my mind,
mosaic filled memories.
a rush takes over my intent,
revealing sprinkled silence.
time to take a bite of the cookie before it’s gone.
once whole no longer even shadows.
i choke through the swallow.
i am not on.
secluded to a trickle of what used to be the rush,
through the attitude plants show me as they wait to be watered,
avoidance and expectations wont talk to me any longer.

Wednesday, 7:14pm, April 30th, 2025

bittersweet goodbyes.

occasions due to occur will happen with tendency,
at the most inopportune moment in our short lives.
i hate to remind myself life is short,
because capturing these moments allude to and provide a moment where i was JUST being.
just being always has a clock,
tick, tick, ticking through my creatures ears.
when it comes to an end,
like things do, it’s time that tells you:
decide you’re decisions.
defining accuracy vs. precision is like predicting the road you should take.
it all really only exists in an anxious mind or your daily positive card reading aka, my mom.
here to tell,
you cannot protect yourself from the crossroads of indecisiveness.
so, where do i find the space to decide the “right” route?
from a story i was told,
i’m singing now,
i need my spaceeee
it’s a good song!
help me find my spaceeee.
still singing,
still wondering,
and of course…still thinking.

Saturday, 8:49pm, February 1st, 2025

notes on clarity.

i have no clarity.

sucked into a pool drain of shame,
like the moment it happened,
a ghost keeps finger picking my brain.

constantly preluding embarrassment.

i cannot wait for it to rain,
i hate crying alone.

i want to be comfortable,
in my condone.

let the empty bring clarity?

hunger for what caused.
i want a bite but,
can’t be paused.

i’m not asking so,
never tell me how to heal.
only plant and allow the feel.
because my feelings can’t keep asking for charity.

clarity,
clarity,
CLARITY.
sometimes,
i just need…clarity.